Shots with Alex.
Growing up, I was always anxious. Thoughts and feelings constantly fluttered throughout my head and I never quite understood why my brain always seemed to be moving. However, I was always able to maintain my anxiety with running, sleep, and silence until this year. In early January I found it incredibly difficult for me to get out of bed due to my anxiety. I could not breathe and contemplating even the first steps of my day felt like too much. Running would not solve my problem, nor would enough sleep, journaling, or any of my other proven fixes. I knew I needed something else.
Thankfully I had a friend introduce me to magnesium glycinate. One pill twice a day of this supplement has changed my life for the better. Yes, I still need to run and do yoga. Yes I need to sleep and journal, but at least now I can breathe. I can accomplish everything I need to do in a day without feeling as if the tasks are insurmountable. I truly do not think that I could do this without this supplement.
While I have been able to better manage my anxiety, I have found this year to be excruciatingly challenging (in the most beautiful way). This morning I woke up feeling rather down because of a variety of things, but mostly because my year is over 3/4 of the way done and I have not a clue of what I will be doing next year. Though I know what I would like to do nothing is guaranteed and I have to sit with that (which is ok).
When I made the decision to do MercyWorks, I was so incredibly sure of myself and joyful. Now as I weigh my options for next year, I find that my heart is being pulled in an array of directions. Do I remain a youth care worker or do something else at Mercy. Do I stay at Mercy at all? Do I live in another intentional community or do I rough it with my best friend in a hip neighborhood? These are all questions that I contemplate on a day to day basis. It makes me sad because it means that something incredibly special and life giving will be ending soon.
MercyWorks has been incredibly difficult. I have found my ways to work through the challenges in yoga, running, and reflecting, but I am also so genuinely grateful for the challenges that MercyWorks has presented me. I am a stronger me, a gentler me, and a more humble me.
Cheers to 3 more months.
